I called my team like, “Yo, is there any way we can open up a hotline?” People call crying and by the end of the conversation, they’re in a much better place because it’s about being heard. I heard him out, and a lot of times, that’s all we want. So I got on the phone with this guy, and we ended up talking for two hours, where, by the end of the conversation he was in a much better place just because I listened. I mean, I’m kinda suicidal myself, but I always play the light for these people. A friend of mine, who actually prints our merch, he shot me a text: “Can you talk to my little brother? He’s suicidal.” I realized, throughout my life I’ve always been the guy that people call when somebody’s suicidal. I’ve been at moments at my career where I felt like I was closer to imagined success, and then I lost it all and blamed others.Īlong with the record, you also opened up a hotline for fans. Everything that happens to me, I was fine blaming others. He who blames no one has arrived.” I think I spent the better part of my life blaming others. There’s a Chinese proverb that says: “He who blames others is lost. How did it feel to call yourself selfish so often across this album?
That was the weight that was on my spirit. I put it under the rug, and then rug gets taller and taller and taller, then you just have a mess. Then I wondered, “Man, why do I always have this depression?” I guess it’s a bunch of stuff that I never addressed. How do you even do something like that? That’s something that happened at 15, and from 15 to 26, that’s not something I ever faced. I look back at my 15-year-old self in disgust. Like on “13 Reasons,” I mention pimping my cousin out at 15. Man, there were songs that I thought about removing because I didn’t wanna ruin certain relationships. Now my mother’s getting older, my father’s getting older, my sister’s growing up, and I’ve been away for so many years-I’m missing birthdays and holidays. There was a point last year, where I’d been chasing this for 10 years. I’d rather be in bad company than alone, which would lead to more conflicts in my spirit.
ONE MORE LIGHT ALBUM IS A SUICIDE NOTE HOW TO
I didn’t know how to be alone… My friends and I were never really alike. I always had friends with me because I was afraid to be alone. I had a little apartment in Koreatown, had like four of my boys from Florida come with me. When did you first feel that urgency to share? Well, Before I Jump plays like a record you had to write. I didn’t want to talk I didn’t have anything to say. I go and try to talk to somebody with extreme social anxiety, and I probably came off disingenuous. My early years in music, I’d have management and we’d go to events and they’d be like, “You can’t be so quiet, you gotta go talk to this person!” My soul is like this quiet kid that doesn’t wanna talk, but you know, I love this music so much, so I think this is what you have to do. I’ve always been an introvert I’ve always been quiet. I spent a lot of time trying to belong, and I’m just at a point where, “Okay, I never belonged in the first place, and I’m 100 percent okay with that.” For a while, my earlier years in music, I spent a lot of time just trying to be somebody else, because I was afraid of my truth. I guess I’ve always had a certain discomfort with my spirit, like something just was off. Being 26 years old, it’s a bunch of things that I just ignored for my whole life and I think it had a subconscious effect on me.
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